Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Can Joy Be Restored?

When I was pregnant with our first child, twelve years ago, I prayed everyday for her to be filled with God’s joy. There were so many things that I could have prayed over her - contentment, health, etc. -

but i chose joy.

After she was born, her father carried her tiny body across the hospital hall to the nursery. He swears that she smiled at him - and though the thought of a newly born baby smiling is hard to believe - I do believe - because I know what I prayed all those expectant months. Now, twelve years have passed and the story has changed. Life has happened - her wide-eyed naivety lost, and I find myself longing for my happy baby. 

I understand all to well the things that rob her joy and perhaps I miss my own innocence as much as I miss hers; it feels life has jaded me as well. She is a part of me, a reflection of me - a woman in the making. She is mine to mold, mine to hold. She is my daughter, my sister in Christ and one day, God willing, will be a dear friend. She depends on me to guide her through this minefield of a world. It is not for the faint of heart, shaping a child into a woman. It brings me to my knees - in sobs, in hair-pulling frustration, and in prayer. My prayers sound more like a desperate plea, and they are not lost on Him. His reply is gentle, but heard.

It’s time for joy to be restored. 

But how does she...do I... get something back that has been gone for so long? 

 then it comes - my answer in the form of a question..
Have you forgotten all that I have done for you? God’s words pierce, but they arouse hope because I know what he is saying - that he can be trusted with her heart. 

He can be trusted with my heart. 

So I relish each smile, giggle, and pre-teen silliness when it comes. I even join in. I become a woman-child myself, and it is healing - freeing. This delicate, breakable, adolescent reminds me of who I want to be, of who I need to be.

I am reminded of who I need to be, for her sake. I must be an example for her follow - a pattern of who she will become.

I am reminded of my undeniable need for God. Reminded that he constantly works in me - molding and shaping me into the image of His son. I see the image - a perfect circle - each of us perpetually maturing, following the pattern set before us. 

LInked up at SheLoves Magazine today!